Mental Health UK

Help with Abuse

What if am I a victim of abuse?

Remember, domestic violence is caused only by the aggressor. First of all, you need to understand what his individual type is. It is proved that this is a person who has difficulty controlling aggression. But the matter is much more complicated. There are various reasons for this behavior, but most often it has been cultivated for years: adopted from the parent or the environment. A person gets used to this kind of relationship, as he sees how powerful and effective tools are manipulation and control.

Dead run at the first hints of violence, as well as staying and suffering, are equally non-constructive reactions. Sometimes, it is very difficult to find a balanced decision without outer assistance. Often the first act of physical violence causes a shock. This is the moment when you need to contact the crisis center, rather than hide the fact of violence and adapt to the situation.

First of all, you need to figure out how your partner evaluates his actions. It is one thing if he realizes that he is wrong, but for some reason, he is not able to control himself. It’s completely different – if he is convinced of his own rightness and believes that violence in a relationship is acceptable. Unfortunately, the second case is more common.Help with Abuse

How to behave during an abuse in order to survive?

During a quarrel, you should try not to avoid reacting to provocations. For example, if you began to be insulted, you should try to remain calm as much as possible. Remember that everything you do and say will be used against you. Unfortunately, there are no universal rules of conduct if you have already been subjected to physical abuse. Someone, perhaps, will stop if you start to cry or show that you are in pain, the other will become more irritated. The best way to stay alive is to leave home or hide and call the police.

If you live in a condition of domestic violence and understand how real the threat to life is. Firstly, you need to think out a safety plan for an emergency. Prepare documents, money, find a safe place to live, to survive stress and make a decision in safety, agree among neighbors and relatives. Carry your phone with you to call 911 or call your neighbors. Make a “panic button” – keyboard shortcuts with the number of a friend or relative. Call 911 and give as many details as possible.

What to do immediately after an abuse?

Immediately after the abuse, you must contact the emergency center and record the injuries, and contact 911. Do not hesitate to contact the crisis centers: there are people who know what it’s like right now and can provide psychological and legal assistance, and if necessary, provide temporary residence. Find a crisis center in your residence. They will help you find the right solution in any case.

How to protect yourself from the harassment?

Change the phone number, Internet passwords, locks in the apartment. Do not accept calls from unfamiliar numbers. Try not to be alone at least for the first time. If there is a need to meet with a rapist, do it in a public place. If he threatens to harm you or your children, be sure to inform the police.

One of the most painful moments during this period is a change of residence, which is almost the only opportunity to hide from the harassment. The injured side is forced to leave their home, they actually survive from there, and the rapist remains in a privileged position. The bill on the prevention of domestic violence provides for intervention and protection of the state. In America, for example, there are no protective orders which will protect you on a legal basis.

Bring it to the end

If a case has been made, then, most likely, he will be brought to court. In the courtroom, you and the witnesses will be interrogated. You will need to apply for an examination according to your medical records. The examination is devoted to determining the severity of the harm done to your health.

Then, the side of the defendant – witnesses and defense were interrogated. The defendant is not obliged to present any evidence; he, in principle, is not even obliged to speak.

The process can last quite a long time: 8-12 months. Get ready for the fact during all stages of the process the judges will try to reconcile you with the offender.

You will have to go to court on average twice a month. If you miss at least one meeting, then this will automatically mean the termination of the case: according to the procedural rules, it is considered that in this case you no longer have any complaints against the offender.

What if someone you know is suffering from abuse?

A person, in this situation, needs help, but you can not put pressure on him. Support him and do not blame. The victim must be heard, and if necessary, the opportunity to shelter, advise a psychological service, helpline, and so on. If a person does not believe that he is being subjected to violence, one should not prove that she or he is a victim. If you insist on this, you will most likely provoke a rejection reaction and the person just stops talking to you. You can try to gently ask questions, listen more and speak less, not give value judgments. You can try to give examples of some situations where there was an abuse observed. It is important to revive self-esteem and remind a person that life is safe, without beating and humiliation. This is the right of everyone.